hi, i’m heidi.
So the story of my shaved head…
I have not really “gone public” with the story until now. I guess it just seems time.
Two summers ago I was in South Africa, about to head into Mozambique with a group of churches on a mission trip.We spent a few days in the beautiful Kruger Park, where it all began…
I remember that I was looking in a mirror and the thought came to me something like
“what if God asked you to shave off all of your hair?” It felt like a “God thought”, not at all a Heidi one. Therefore it concerned me.
What was that about? Well…I guess I’d shave it off, I thought. But I was disturbed. It felt like a God thought…not at all a Heidi one. I’d heard His Voice before. The timing of this whole thing is also quite interesting, a time where my faith was just beginning to get strong again. I had some things happen in college that really got me distracted, discouraged, and disillusioned from God. I was wrestling with some BIG QUESTIONS during that time.
Does God really love me?
Does He really love the world?
What are His intentions toward humanity…toward me?
What about heaven and hell?
How can this all be? I can’t make any sense of it with my logic, but I want to understand. I want it all to make sense like a + b = c. I want it to resolve and be perfectly sensible. But it isn’t…questions like those.And then God asked me to shave off all of my hair.
Just thinking about it made me feel sick to my stomach, but it wouldn’t go away. I shared it with some people and things happened, God was confirming His word in the mouths of two, three, four and five witnesses…and even more. Over and over and over, He was speaking this to me.
I talked to friends about it.
I talked to my pastors.
I asked Britney what she thought. And Evita. I talked to Karen, to Angela, Beth and Blaise. I talked to God.
I read the Bible and kept seeing things about this shaving of the hair.
But God…is this even biblical? I thought it was a shame for a woman to have short hair!! My hair is my glory, right? That’s Scripture. So God spoke to me through other Scriptures and I kept seeing a theme of mourning, of judgment, of intercession, warning.
This whole process took more than a year and the climax of it all doesn’t even seem fitting to put here now, but let’s say that I was convicted and convinced God was speaking. I was being invited to follow God into the unknown.
On August 25th, 2009 I shaved off all of my hair in what I believe with all of my heart and mind was obedience to God’s desire for me. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever done and one of the coolest.
Do I have everything resolved as to why and what happened as the result? Well, I have lots of stories but no resolved conclusions yet. I’ve heard it said that someone once asked Mother Teresa how to receive clarity from God and she replied – she had never had clarity, but hat she had always had was trust. Through all of this I’ve learned to trust Him more. He was so very sweet to me in the process. I told my Mom, God “Heidi-ized it”.
So much more to say, but may this true tale of one life meeting “the foolishness of God”
bring Him one more shining ray of the utmost glory He deserves.