“It’s Just Hair”

hi, i’m whitney.

I spotted a fuzzy headed girl from across the room.  Her head was completely buzzed, and I couldn’t help but notice her striking femininity and beauty.  She was enjoying the concert with a group of friends and I found myself catching glances of her throughout the night—was she insecure?  What did people think of her?  I also wondered what her reasons were.

A thought flashed through my mind.  What if I did it?  What if I buzzed my head?  I quickly tried to dismiss it as an “extreme” or “rebellious” act—something that good Christian girls don’t do, or at least not me.  But what if I did?  What would my parents think?  What would my friends and school think?  The questions kept coming.

After the concert I returned to college and to my ongoing identity struggle.  Being immersed in a conservative Christian environment for 3 years had brought to the surface a question that had been churning inside of me.  I wondered who I was becoming and whom it was for.  Was it for the nice Christian culture that I was comfortable with?  Was it for the nice people that surrounded me?  Was it simply to make my family proud?  I knew these reasons were not enough to uphold my identity.  I wanted to be a woman who God would be pleased with.  So I decided to shave my head.

I didn’t want to rebel.  I wanted to say something to myself.  I didn’t want to be conformed to who my culture, family, school and friends said I should be.  I needed to say that I am a daughter of God and my identity is wrapped in him.

Shaving my head was both the biggest and smallest act I have ever done.  I wrestled with my outward identity and beauty and what that looks like when redeemed.  I had to explain myself to my questioning family and friends.  I would fall asleep rubbing my fuzzy head and thinking to myself, its just hair. And that it is.  But I know now that I am better for losing it.



6 responses to “whitney.

  1. Angela Monteith

    Wonderful, Whit!

  2. That’s an awesome story, Whitney! Thanks for sharing it!

  3. I really appreciated this story. It made me think a lot. Thanks for sharing!

  4. This is a simple, yet beautifully deep story; definitely made me think! Thank you Whitney.

  5. All I can say is thank you. Thank You for opening my eyes and helping me think clearer for once about who I really am. You have truly inspired me. Thank You.

  6. wow. Thats a beautiful, inspiring story. Thank you for posting it. LOVE LOVE LOVE

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